Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Laying the rumours to rest

The cellphone ringing on a deadline day: but it's a regular enough call, so I pick it anyway.

It's a pleasant surprise, an old colleague from the newspaper I worked with, he's calling to say Hi, he said. So he said hi, and I said hi, and I made my small talk and then I, said, Ok, need to go, so bye.

That's when he stalls, and there's a lull in his voice, I know he's got something to say.

How are things with you and him he says, you guys doing okay? It's the regular comment most married women get, so I say ok. But there's more to come.

I've heard you guys split, he says, is it true? Hahaha, I laugh, 'I wish.' But the concern in his voice just won't go away.

Why're you asking me this, I said. Well I heard it from someone at work, he says, and all those days of fighting and door-slamming and the despaired sighs come flashing back, sweating my nape, wetting my eyes. It's bad, but gosh, how did the world come to know?

No way, and soon I'm rubbishing talks of strife, joking about Nino's antics in life, talking of life and budgets and wives.

How often did I want to run away? Twice, already, this week. None the week before, a dozen times before that. But today I collect my coterie of wounds around me, covering it with my arms and shoulders and elbows, away from everyone else, who must please remember, I'm still the happily married lady.


In love with my life said...

:-) Stay strong. There are a lot of us who'd like to see that smile back on your posts.

Lots of love of hugs.

choxbox said...

hang in there babe.

Anonymous said...

Hey Nino's mum, very aptly and beautifully described! A day at a time: you are a spontaneous girl! You will be lovely.


VJ said...

This too shall pass!!!
Lots of love and hugs!!

Kinjal D said...

hey, hey, it's all part of the package (of course, the part that no one warns you about but a part nonetheless)
more power to you.

Aneela Z said...

just remember its a manufacturing defect (the recessive gene) otherwise men would be perfect= women. Just emphasize on the happily in the happily married woman and all will be right.

Anonymous said...

I'l harp on the obvious and say - stay that way. *hugs*

nitya said...

Hugs and much love. You are doing brilliantly so far.

Sujatha said...

And let them lay resting forever. Hugs.

Sands said...

Hang in there hon. I can totally understand that feeling. Been there a couple times but eventually we all eentually work it out:)

Solilo said...

Hugs NM! Love your spirit and optimism.

dipali said...

You'll be fine. Wanting to run away is different from actually doing so.
Vive la difference.
Hugs, my dear. May all the pain and its memories go away soon.

Swati said...

I know it feels like you are all water and shifting shadows right now, awash in pain and bewilderment, lost and small, but there is still solid rock underneath. You will look back on these days, and read this post and marvel at how strong you really were. Someday, I promise.

Nino's Mum said...

In love, Chox, VJ, Preeti, Suj, Solilo - Hugs were much needed, thank you girls.

Anjali - yup, one day at a time.

Kinjal - damn small print, as always, eh?!

Nitya - You think so? Gosh, I really need to hear that. hugs.

Sands - :) thank you for the affirmation. fingers crossed.

Dipali - SO true. Love you loads.

Swati - Sigh, there you go again, painting pictures of me that are so eerily reflective of what I feel. I sure hope so, Swati, I sure do. I've missed you.

Nino's Mum said...

Neel Kamal2 - You know sometimes, when I'm beyond ticked off, I'm muttering the recessive gene theory too. But it doesn't help. Call it emotional collateral damage.

Cantaloupes.Amma (CA) said...

Hang in there ... stay strong.

ra said...

so so many hugs

sher khan said...

Is it so common? so many times even i feel the same way. just pull myself thinking that "v have just been married 4 years and I absolutely cannot donthis to my son". This too shall pass :-)

wordjunkie said...

Hugs. Hang in there, girl.