They’re not mere words to me – their names and pseudonyms each carrying a face-less image of a person laced with intricacies. The ‘handles’ that we use to address each other are tightly woven with our ideas and opinions, conjuring up caricatures of our lives in tiny, rapid bursts of colour. Some are names I love. Some are denominated by cities. Some with their memories, some with colours, and some with the kind of humour that makes life seem sane. And would I seem like a sentimental fool if I said, I was, in a way that words refuse to reveal, blessed for them all?
I realised it last week, in a flash typical of clichés, when the husband asked me what I was doing as I frantically typed my previous post in the dead of the night. My loved ones were around me, and yet, I had to reach out to you, to share my pain, knowing somewhere, you’d understand. I’d found and realised the joy of female bonding after what seems like ages.
I grew up with a bunch of boys, and though all of them are dear to me, we shared a bond that had a time and a place and has refused to grow out of that teenage leg-pulling we still indulge in when we meet. I’ve several close girl-friends, and our friendships have evolved to adjust changing roles such as marriage and motherhood, separated as we are by distance. Lately, there’s always been something missing in the equation, a small, but open-gnawing gap in how we connect, and there are bits of my soul I’ve never been able to fuse fully with another in a long while. The closest friend of course, is Nino’s Dad, but there are as many pitfalls to marrying a friend as there are comfort areas.
Here, in this bit of my world, where I play strip-tease with my emotions, where I display the fears I usually cloak so well otherwise, where my ranting has a purpose, where you leave me equally moved, inspired and rolling on the floor with laughter, and where I have your listening eyes: I have found and devoured greedily the depth of your thoughts and the comfort of your words, the pleasure of your company. Thank you, for this unexpected gift, and for teaching me that the time to make a friend is never past.
8 hours ago
16 comments:
I loved this post not just because you say it so well but also because it puts words to my thoughts...
Hope Nino is doing well.
Oh!! NM. You know you had me really worried about Nino and yourself too. Is he doing better? What happened to him?
this time, a big hug for you :))
And thank you, for being you
Thank you right back!
I've been trying to figure out why what we do on these pages resonates so much with us. All of us, I'm sure, have full lives otherwise. But, perhaps, along with the face-lessness also comes the judgement-lessness. There is no baggage that drags down relationships. And that is pretty a pretty strong aphrodisiac.
I hope Nino's better now, and a big hug for you.
And I reach out back,hungrily, in return.
Nitya - Nino's back at school, reading up on his favourite books, so all well on that side. It's unnerving, when you look at it straight in the face, how 'intangible' relationships such as the ones we build through our blogs can be so life-altering, no?
NM - I was scared for a bit myself too - he'd been diagnosed with a vocal chord infection, lost his voice for two days, his fever wouldn't come down and then he started passing blood in his urine because of all the paracetemol the docs pumped into him. phew.
And, big hug back.
Ra - Even if its not the coolest thing to say, all my love. *tight squeeze*
Suj - You've put it so aptly. There is no feeling of being threatened, or judged or social baggage. We don't see the faces, the shapes, the colours, the clothes, the origin - just thoughts, and also acknowledge the fleeting nature of it all.
BG - He's much better girl, hug right back.
GirlOnTheBridge - I know, and that helped me write it.
Hi NM, I could have written that post...thats me, certainly. (but of course I wouldnt write it as beautifully as you do).
You are my BFF(blog friend forever) if there is one such term :p
somehow my bloglines reader sends me updates much later, thats why im late while commenting and usually comment when you are done replying to everyone else. psst!
How is Nino doing? You need to do a post on that.
high five!
Linking to this post today at http://hellonetbaby.blogspot.com/2009/02/crickweb-free-teaching-resource.html
Take care :)
Preeti - :)Blog friend forever, sounds very cool! I don't know about posting on Nino's week of illness - somehow it's so exhausting to go through that all over again.
MinM - see you later, alligator?!
Swati - interesting quesiton you've put up on your blog today. And I've a feeling you've nailed this phenomena where we're unable to reach out as honestly to neighbours/people we know as we do here, cloaked in anonymity.
food for thought.
Hay Nino's mum, once again I feel and think the way you do.
I am not very old in Hyderabad, been here for some months.
Have not had the time to meet and talk with people who a good friend from Delhi suggested. Life is hectic, and one goes to office, comes back home, and manage with the time there is.
Most of my friends are in Delhi. I have sensed a drifting apart with some very close friends. I can't open up to them the way i used to. I miss good, solid friends with whom I can talk about anything. Even just over the phone.
My husband is a good friend :) But then one needs another friend when one has fought with the husband!
I don't blog, but I read three or four very good ones. And one day would love to meet the few people I read everyday. You are one of them.
Warmly, Anjali
There's this motto I hold very dear: "There's no such thing as too many books, too many friends and too many shoes." And its simple truth strikes me nearly every day.
Just SO relieved Nino's okay, as are you.
now since when was i too concerned with coolness? thanks, am overwhelmed. lots of love back!
Anjali - Life tends to do that to us: routine sucks up so much of our soul, that we have very little to share of it at the end of the day - forget stranger, even with family. That's what this blog has given back to me - a time with myself, a time with my thoughts, and now, a time with friends, like you.
OJ - Remember the movie Jerry Mcguire? How his mentor's mottos kept booming through situations in Tom Cruise's life, wisdom in the required quantities? Your words are taking that place for me!
Ra - :) Its just that I'm a complete mush-fool.
Striptease of emotions...listening eyes...WOW!
Bowled over by the magic with which you communicate!
The day I found you (through Suj's writing workshop) was very special. There was this dictinct feeling of thrill at discovering a writer who had her soul fused in her words. Today, after some interaction, your inner warmth radiates with every comment you leave, every post you write. I am getting to know...slowly. Loving it.
Big hugs!
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